I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
