there was a trapeze. enough said
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
