I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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