And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
