I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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