So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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