Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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