its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
