Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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