I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
