wat bout pragnant strippers??
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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