I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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