just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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