I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
