Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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