Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
