LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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