At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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