Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone signed my nipple.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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