Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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