It's Friday. Sex?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
