You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
