Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
