im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
