Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
