he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
