I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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