In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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