I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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