Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
