one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
