apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
