He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
