You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
