I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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