Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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