woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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