How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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