I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
