If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
