he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
