Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
