Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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