I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
