I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
