Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
