Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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