ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
