my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
