I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
