Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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