Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
