Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
