I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
