I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
