When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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